fine.

• watch this new Edie Brickell video
  

• make this mascarpone

• read this blog; trendland

• check this out

• watch educational shit with your kids

• and have your man check out Club Trill

• Listen to Kelis
  

Because I'm the mami and I said so...

PLGC - bossy mamas

just another...

Manic Monday, oh-oh. They are always so strange. CS is up at 4am to be at work by 5. I find myself awake too though I usually fall back to sleep as he zooms off in his Camaro. The sound of that car driving off is like a little lullaby that says, he got it all together you can get 2 more hours of sleep now. The kids usually pounce me by 7:00 except that I have been letting them stay up way to late these days. Tonight they were in bed by 8:30 (not sleeping but it's an improvement).

Tomorrow is packing and organizing. I really need to get my shit together for this move. CS and I are pros at the whole moving thing, only we are in our 30's now with kids. That being said I don't think it's gonna be okay if we just stuff a bunch of crap haphazardly into a box and onto a truck the same day that we drive outta town. Damn I hate being the mature adult sometimes.

The one thing that is totally new to me and FREAKING me out are schools. Specifically pre-school but public school too. Em will be starting the 1st grade and it looks like she may be here a couple of weeks before we move and you can't just sign up for school in CA without having an address first. Pre-school is a whole other issue. It seems that most of the good ones have had kids on a waiting list since they were in utero (the kids not the schools). I am definitely going with a referral agency, I think. If any of you have any advice on the topic please feel free to share. I know I have at least a few lurkers out there who still read this thing.

I have asked you dear internet in the past for advice and you have not come through. I promise I won't cry when blogger tells me there are no comments to moderate. I have been your fickle mommy blogger and still have a few flaky days left in my bag of tricks. At least my lovely counter tells me that you are there even if you were just searching for porn. I always feel bad that some guy out there wanted to get his Hot Mami on and he ends up here. Though I always hope they link into one of my posts on poop or puke, take that perv-o.

Wow I am sorta rambling tonight. Sorry about that, truly. It has been a strange day filled with nausea and one too many reruns on TNT. I really hate when I turn my brain down to the moron level. A vegetative state is not exactly what I need to kick start the moving preparation.

Well internet I will bid you goodnight.

PLGC- lurkers & porn addicts

tears start falling...

Well Sunday has certainly dragged on. CS and EmBea let CB and I sleep in. Then it was on to cinnamon rolls and preparing pulled pork. I totally cut into the tip of my left hand ring finger after a dire warning of how dangerously I was holding the knife, by CS. Thus ending in my daughter saying to me; "Mom it's not that I am blind in 1 eye it's just that I have a problem and it's clumsy". You know I think she gets that from me.

Really though, life is moving on way to fast. I have a hella load of packing to do. That is not to mention all of the research on the new homestead but also learning how to pull money out of my ass. I take that back, lets leave that visualization for the people who are not going to receive checks in the mail. So mote it be.

Anywayt its 4 in the morning for me.

PLGC- parents of children who lost there teeth

A good day.

First off I'd like to say that CS totally ruined my Shia LeBeouf fantasy. Why does he have to bring up Holes, which then makes me think of Even Stevens and ewww. The potential cougar in me just walks away and begs me to forget she was ever there. So on that note we took the kiddos to see Transformers 2 today. CS and myself are a transformered out, but in a good like my head is vibrating with this sound, sorta way.

In other news; I am on day 2 of the Nutra Nail 5-7 Day Growth Calcium Formula. I have high hopes based on a reveiew from a friend. I am still recovering from a bad fake nail incedent a couple of months ago. Incedentally I think that would be a great name for a crazy chick rock band. I'd listen to that.

So here is the wind up to my day. Barbie Hollywood Hair Salon. My daughter and I were casting Barbie in film and musical; so they had to look just right. Below are the acheived results, enjoy.

isn't she beautiful!

PLGC-Barbie mama's everywhere.

a Photo Friday CB turns 4 edition...

Details tomorrow on all of the birthday action. For now this mami is pooped. So enjoy the boy & his cake.

Birthday Boy- CB age 4

the Optimus Prime cake;
yellow cake, wilton vanilla frosting, all mamacita!

Crafty Toothless.

Well today was a very successful crafting with kids sorta day. We made coffee filter rainbow fish from here. One addition that really was a happy accident; wax paper. Tape wax paper to the table and have the kids follow the instructions from there. Spray the water while the coffee filter is still on the wax paper and dry both. Later when you are ready to glue your fish to the blue paper; cut a circle out of the wax paper where the color bled through to make a bubbly background. Here are the results.

ly's rainbow fish

CB's rainbow fish

EmBea's rainbow fish

My eldest has lost another tooth. When I say lost I actually mean; "she pulled the damn thing herself! Again!" direct quote from me to you. She is a cutie though.

Whistling a pirates tune.

PLGC- the smurfs (blame CS not me, this is what happens when i have him help me blog.)

which phrase have i overused this week?

My mind has been so many other places today that I almost went straight to bed. I would have kicked myself right in the ass if I ended my 24 day posting streak because I was distracted and tired. June is almost at an end and then you won't be bored silly with my off the cuff writing everyday. I might actually sit down and put a little thought into it. What?!? I might.

Obviously my brain is addled tonight. I have hit delete too many times to count and I can't seem to piece together a grammatically correct sentence to save my life. I did look at a lot of rentals on craigslist today and contacted a preschool referral agency for CB. Every little piece of the puzzle is falling into place.

Well tomorrow is birthday prep for the boy, who will be 4 on Friday. Tonight it's a quick stint as the tooth fairy (whom my daughter totally knows is me).

PLGC -families

seeing red...

is sometimes very important to moving forward. Pissing yourself off enough to get things done, well, priceless. So here we are my love and i. Are you seeing red? Do you feel the urge to get off your ass and do that thing you always said you would? Well I am moving to a whole new effing state, i am freaked as all hell, but sometimes you just gotta take that leap.

the love of my life...

and me...

Sometimes you have to see red before anything gets accomplished. Once you're past that, things should start going your way. Put it out there for the world to see, don't be afraid to conquer your fears and keep on moving on. That's all I got tonight peeps. Love y'all and will have some funny anecdotal crap tomorrow.

PLGC- haters

i bring the fire...

Black Eyed Peas, Fifty Cent, Ludacris, TI, Kottonmouth Kings, Nina Simone, 311, Chemical Brothers, Immortal Technique, Eminem, Kanye West, The Grouch, Lil Wayne, Jay Z, Fergie, the Crystal Method, Wale, Kevin Rudolph, etc...the music on CS' iPod. not my off the cuff taste but damn I can sure do some dishes quick when i got a bass line goin on!

I love it when i hijack the iPod for the evening. CS takes on the bedtime business and i get shit done. i'd love to say that i can tackle housework all day long but that would be a lie. housework plays a secondhand biatch to my kiddos. they Rock and they come first. if i am in the middle of scrubbing the sink, i stop, sanitize and participate. i think it is so important that they get my undivided attention. i want them to know that they are important and so is what they have to say.

it might tack an extra 20 minutes onto an usually simple task but i do not mind. you know "i'm ballin' throwin mami 'round..." i'm always ready for the craziness that they can throw my way. these kids are gonna be freaking teenagers someday. y'all can bet i am gonna soak up the little kid vibe while i can. i just don't see the purpose in working myself up over something they will forget in ten seconds.

on that note i'd like to go soak up the snuggle time with papi cuz he got the kids to sleep and we are hott like that.

PLGC- lovers

even orangel fastwalker loves some CS snuggle time!
(p.s. the kids named the cat)

Bewitched with the Bay Area

Elizabeth Montgomery is my official Mamacita Caliente idol. She was totally hott! as Samantha Stevens; She had magical powers at her fingertips, yet insisted upon keeping house the oldfashioned way. Faux-wood walls, brand new dishwasher and cocktails in the early evening. What is not to love? I am sure by now you have ascertained that i have had me an episode or two of bewitched recently.

Well I haven't fully developed my magical powers as of yet but I am working on it. So father's day huh? Not much of a segue but it's what I got. The kids woke me up bright and early for follow through on a plan that we hatched the previous day. We made all of dad's faves: pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast and a hot cup of coffee. All of this was delivered on a Cars tray completed with handmade Father's Day cards. It was absolutely sweet as pie! Dad then had to travel off to the Sunday grind. Life is funny like that.

The kids were over the moon and loving up daddy every chance they got. It is in the moments like this that I stop and take stock of my little family. I see the love and the joy and the way that we all roll with the punches. I am starting to realize that the kids are a little stressed out about our impending move. I don't think they fully understand the full chaos that will ensue, but they get one thing, change.

Life is rushing up on us and changing fast. It is more intense than that impulsive move to Baltimore ten years ago. I felt something today that I almost mistook for anxiety, it was urgency. I love a good sense of urgency. I got shit to do and I need to do it fast. So on that note I am going to sign out dear internet. I hope you continue to tune in and vicariously come along for the ride.

PLGC- families picking up and moving on.

B-O-R-I-N-G

Boring post tonight.... So just to pre-warn y'all I made a commitment to myself to blog everyday this month. I have not failed, though I am beginning to realize why blogging every day is not so easy. It is difficult to call upon that sarcastic wit at a moments notice. I am however nothing if not committed.

So today was:

• making father's day cards with the kids
• washing dishes
• applying for jobs in the bay area 1) to fulfill my NMdeptoflabor requirements and 2) because i am going to need a job.
• drinking dos quis cerveza with salt and lime (the key to the whole day really)
• referee, slave, housekeeper, confidant aka...mom

I warned you that it was boring but you insisted on being one of my few lurkers and reading anyway.

PLGC & a SHOUT OUT to my lurkers, -i love you guys

freaky friday

sometimes even i think i am a mean mom. but i am not really. i just can't stand fits and crying. i really don't think that i am being unreasonable. i have never and i mean never (contrary to popular belief) given into the demands of a screaming child o'mine. i may have eased it back when they realized i wasn't budging. i may have even dropped it when i realized it wasn't worth the fight. i did not give in, i follow through.

embea had me at my wits end today. there was no consequence big enough for the back talk she was dishing in between her dime sized tears. i still to this late hour have no clue as to what her effing problem was (i should get used to this feeling, right?). there were moments of sweet beauteous clarity, very few and very far between. she is sleeping now, man i love that kid!

cb on the otherhand was quite unlike his usual self today. he was all charm (of course we had a swim date audience) and articulation. i am seriously thinking that maybe the children had some sort of freaky friday experience where they switched bodies and hatched some crazy scheme to not tell me. yea i know they're 3 & 6 but i am totally buying into my own conspiracy.

it was a cuh-razy day. so i will leave you with this lovely photo that said children forced asked me to take of their play dough sculptures. i guess they were just too beautiful to not have a memento. i have no freaking clue what they were but i am leaning toward voodoo.

voodoo playdough dolls

yes mom i am still awake!

this one will Not go to sleep, so...

no big blog, just photo luv. PLGC blogiverse and send thoughts of 4 years olds going to bed :)

the one where AS posts her to-do list...

Things to do...

• pack, sort, purge, repeat...
• research schools for the kids.
• get massive amounts of money in my mail, or however; i'm easy like that.
• study maps and other area-centric information.
• pick an official move date.
• get more money, here i am almighty dollar you know where to find me.
• work on article about Chroma Gallery
• connect with the peeps before we blow this popstand.
  
• get an accountant to sort out all the money.
• make more lists about what i need to do.

PLGC- internet

West Coast chillin'

I have just had the best day evah!!!

• my babysitting gig called off for the day.

• i had a free sushi lunch with the hubs, em n' cal and a fellow artist (who treated btw). hooray sushi!

• the hubs got into grad school in berkeley. we are movin' to the bay, yeah; we are movin' to the bay, yeah!! i am a bit hyphy.
  

• chatted w/a friend from b-town. (I was gonna do a baltimore link here, but i typed in b-town on google and got berkeley) i get it cosmos!!
  

• em is about to lose a second tooth in a month.

• cb is still whining.
  

• things are downright wonky and i couldn't be giddier.
  

• oh AND...spiderman came over for a visit.

PLGC-blogiverse -out

why i have a newfound love for facebook.

so i face book. i do not want to gel with the internet society at whole. i am really looking for the peeps i know, the ones that i shelter some long lost whimsy for, the ones i love... tonight i truly connected with a couple that we felt an affinity with. we are sending them a couple of CS's paintings via USPS tomorrow. that is how strong the love...

the hot-daddy-CS tweeted about my ass tonight. even if i do love shakin' to some nelly, it was not nessecary, lol.

i am taking out the recycling and the trash.
i have been categorized, ( by3-6 year olds), as a mean mom today. i interrupted a my little pony face off and made 40+ animal shaped miniature sugar cookies.

p.s. this pic is sooo me looking aged 34

all in all i think.. i rock.. (PLGC blogiverse. -out)

It has been a very productive day. The house is clean, the kids are chill and so is the HD (hot-daddy aka CS Novus)! I seems like yesterday's shenanigans and today's housebound activities left everyone feelin' a-ok. so while i am not in the mood to be all jibber-jawed about it...i thought i'd leave a pic of the kids at our outing yesterday. PLGC blogiverse -out

Butterfly Pavillion at the Botanical Gardens

Saturday

It takes 21 days to build a habit. i am hoping that blogging everyday in June will help me build the habit of writing daily. i don't necessarily mean here on this blog, but for myself. i think it is important to quit talking about what i want to do and do it. i hope to teach my children through my examples not just by my words. ironic.

we had a wonderful day today. i got up with CS at 5:30 to help him get ready to go white water rafting. i was psyched that he got to go & it was totally free. beautiful northern NM, a river and a raft. a perfect sort of day for my guy. the kids and i hit the aquarium & botanical gardens around 1pm. the fish are always a plus, but the gardens were in full bloom and looking lovely.

we did the whole bit, butterfly pavillion, heritage farm and japanese garden. we just took a slow pace and brought lots of water and healthy snacks. for some reason on outings like this i can really get the little buggers to go for the fruit instead of the fruit rollup. it was a nice way to spend the day.

so here i am 10:13 and ready to wrap it up. i remember saturday nights of years past when i was just getting ready to start the night. ahh but those days are much fewer and far between. i'd way rather say goodnight to you dear internet. i am off to snuggle up with that hot daddy of mine and some netflix. PLGC -out

p.s. go take a peak at your sleeping children (if you have kids :) and relish in how fricking cute they look when they are sleeping.

i been afraid of changin"

This is an under painting that I am working on. It is not an enjoyable witty blog. Sometimes you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. This is me knowing that committing to a daily blog is not for me; sometimes you have to just roll.

Forgot to add this last night, I am a fan over on FB of this > With Women Doula Cooperativa < so check it out & become a fan.

Tonight...

I find myself really starting to think about the flow of my childrens' day. I can definitely see that EmBea requires a bit more structure and stimulation. I am trying a few new things and as I come across them I will let y'all know the result.

I stumbled onto an awesome site last night, neoK12. It has a ton of videos that have been screened by teachers to ensure value and appropriateness for your child. The videos seem to mostly come from youtube, but are really great. The kids watched the Earth section today. Each vid is between 2-7 minutes so it holds their attention. Boy was EmBea excited about plate tectonics. Who knew? Anyway, give the site a look-see.

CB is just the cutest little boy alive for about 90 minutes of the day. The rest of the time it seems he is either whining, crying, screaming or all three. What is it with this age that makes a kid just go ape shit? I have tried it all. The big one that has worked for me is follow through on consequences. If they take an action that is not correct, then that action has a consequence. Which is usually the loss of a priveledge related to the crime. I used to be such a sucker and bad at follow through. This time I might actually pull it off.

I shouldn't like you to think that it is all bad, there are just moments that I spend more time on now. I realize that it is not always important to be their friend; sometimes you just have to be their mom. I think I am starting to grow up quite nicely.

Well folks, this post seems slightly lacking. I promise to regale you with something more exciting, very soon. Maybe a recipe for slime or a madcap outing. Who knows people there are days when this blog practically writes itself. Then there are days like this.

Blue-Blah

This is me feeling blue or is it blah. It hasn't been a bad day, not really. There was the brief incident at the post office, but I took a survey and sent an email so I pretty much handled that. The kids definitely seemed to be in bicker mode today; more often than not. Other than that here I am at 10:35 pm and just blah-bity. I wish I could make it more exciting than that, but there ya go. So internet rather than wax on I think I'll wax off. PLGC -out

a wiggly jiggly loose tooth.

Embea's got no tooth.

I would like to start this blog with a shout out to my daughter's k-2 teachers! 3 more amazing ladies, you will never meet. I owe the title to them. I stole it from an end of the day song that serenaded those children lucky enough to loose a tooth in the confines of public school.

to preface..Embea has had this loose tooth for some time, (since late March, i think). She wanted so very badly to lose it in school. She has been eating apples and wiggling like crazy.

Tonight was crazy appetizer night.

We had a lovely family day watching the Isotopes play the OKC Redhawks. While I did take my first, (and many others), breath in Oklahoma, I WAS NOT in any way, shape or form rooting for them. I am a 'topes girl through & through.

sidetrack & long story short. That tooth was clearly coming out today. I turned to Mr. Novus and said, in fact; "That tooth is coming out today."

So, one requested course for our appetizer night was, in fact, an apple. Said half of apple was bitten into aproximately 2 times. Crazy, long-rooted tooth proceeds to fall out of my 6 year old's mouth.

I am verklimpt.

PLGC internet

-out

Gak (also known as Goop)

My kids are playing with Gak! "What is Gak?" you ask. I found the recipe here. They are in absolute lala land. I added blue food coloring (1 drop) to his and red (to make pink) to hers. Try this with your little ones. The final mix should harden when you initially grab it and dissolve the tighter you hold it.

for this recipe you will need cornstarch, water and food coloring (optional)
4 parts cornstarch (see baking supplies dept. of supermarket)
1 part water
(Can add coloring.)

Add water gradually to cornstarch. Stir with fingers.

Thanks to Earthskids for this recipe, visit their site for other fun recipes & things to do with your kids!

EmBea & CB playing w/ Gak.

PLGC -out

those moments.

As a parent there are those moments. That sort of Wow and holy poop moment all wrapped into one. Below is a picture drawn by my son, he will be 4 this month. If you look closely near the bottom of the page is what looks like a a male uhm part. I say to my son is that a "tinky" ? (sorry it's what we taught him to call it, I think it originated from grandma, but I'm not sure) He smirks and says yes. Then he says:

CB: Mom did you know that a tinky is called a penis?
Me: Uhm, yes. Who told you it was called that?
CB: Embea. (his sister)
Me: Okay, well she's right.

I really didn't know how to respond to that. I am pretty sure EmBea picked that one up at school, she is on the playground with 5th graders.

This is CB Novus under an umbrella


CB Novus-bourgening controversial artist.

Since I am showcasing the art of CB, I should give you a look at EmBea's too. She was watching Mirrormask today, at her own behest. As a patching activity she decided to create her own world, like the one the girl draws in the movie. Here is her world below and I am quite impressed.

My little fairy watching Mirrormask.

EB Novus and her family in her world.

So there you have it. My day as Mom with all of the good parts and none of the bad.

PLGC Blogiverse -out

All images in this post are the express copywrite of NovusArts and may not be reproduced in any way.

Mom..Referee...Social Network Therapy

Today I totally slept in...translation; I slept until my kid woke me up at 7:30, turned on cartoons, made breakfast & laid back down. Then I got up 50 times to cater to my children's whims. Which in the end negated the laying back down as it was more like exercise.

That being said, I totally know better than to try to lay back down. It really is better to get up and start the intravenous drip of coffee directly into my veins. No, really I have a prescription. Okay so that's a lie, but I drink a lot of effing coffee! Once the neurons started firing I managed to grab a bite for myself in between playing referee to a death match between my kids.

There are days that I think that is all that I do. I was never good at letting them self sooth and thus I have difficulty allowing them to sort it out on their own. I am working on it. We have added another 6 year old girl into our world this summer Mon-Fri. It is definitely making things more interesting. While they keep each other entertained, there are "the spats". Often it is the 2 girls against the boy. So I do tend to try to let them resolve their own conflict. Of course I am covertly watching them through the open window ready to sprint outside at the slightest sign of trouble. And then....I get sidetracked.

I lay out these fabulous plans for my day. It was so much easier with my calendars, inbox and task lists when I still worked my corporate job. Maybe if I could plug the kiddos stats into a spreadsheet I could make a smoother transition. All in all I don't think I am doing a half bad job but I'd like to do a half good job, ya know?

I find many a moment where I am the one in time out, counting to ten, breathing in through my nose and out through the perfect shaped oo of my mouth. Breath AS, that's good, in and out... Then I quickly log into facebook or twitter for a little social network therapy (but only for 5 minutes of course) read about things going on in other peoples universe, hit the stumble task bar, find sites like this and all is well with the world.

PLGC blogiverse. -out

Photo Friday, just because.

they are so cute when they are actually getting along!

just beautiful!

being a kid is hard work, time to refuel.

Pg WTF EVER!!

So I have been trying to keep this blog totally, at least PG. But... that was before a couple of shots of Jim Beam and a miller highlife and maybe something called Elephant Malt liquor by Carlsberg.

But what the Fuck? nobody ever told me about Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings and her fabulous film Cross Creek. I mean really, I have been married to DH for 12 almost 13 years and he tells me, just now that it is one of his mom's fave movies? Well I have added it to netflix and that is all she wrote.

too much of the kids are sleeping-and no chance of broken bones-liquor in me to quit now.

PLGC Bitches!

P.s. I hope you will forgive me in the morning.

Girls and Boy...

The children were very challenging today, especially Bre. He is not handling the 6 year old dynamic girl duo. Every 5 minutes it is Mawwwwm. I can hear this call from inside the house. I psychically sense the outburst before it occurs. He wants to play their games but is rather obnoxiously annoying; as any almost 4 year old boy would be to two 6 year old girls. His sister is too much for him to handle most of the time, throw another in the mix and it is literally Fit City. Not that the girls don't provide a little drama of their own. Their drama is appeasable. A quick talk, a little humor, throw in some gummy bears or a popsicle and you are good to go.

I can't say it is all bad it just really forces me to look at how I handle the situation at hand. I have to be the rational and calm adult. Sometimes I just want to throw a fit too, dammit! There I'm done with that. I am learning that there are just points when you let things go.

On a high note, Bea started gymnastics today. It is so perfect for her. Just enough structure for her to stay focused. When she did spring soccer it just wasn't engaging enough. During practice she would notice a random leaf floating through the air and gaze at it in wonder. Soccer ball be damned she was lost in that leaf and the daydream it represented. Gymnastics is engaging and fun.

I was worried that her amblyopia (see previous post here.) would be a hindrance but the tumbling is so intuitive that it didn't seem to be a factor at all. Her patching is going really well and we have a second followup in July. I am crossing my fingers for some positive results.

Well it is getting late and I fear that soon I will be all mumbo and no jumbo. So peace, love and green chile to all. -out

Date Night...

I should preface this post by letting y'all know i have had 3 anchor steam drafts on tap and a simpler times lager in hand. Truly none of them have hit me yet thanks to a hearty dinner of tacos and corn cakes, homemade of course :)

That being said; tonight was an impromptu date night due to the fact that CS scored free promo tickets to away we go. Almost a chic flic, but not quite. I LOVED it, but it was more a coming of age gen x sorta flick. There was one girl sobbing but I am not really gonna say it deserved that. There were points that I was laughing my ass off and points that were slow. I loved Maggie Gyllenhaal's character LN. The ending left me wanting and was slightly predictable, but who is gonna argue when it is FREE. not me.

It was a great end to a day filled with cutting up apples and making chicken nuggets. Sometimes I feel like I am always making something for someone to eat. It's my own fault really 'cause I roll like that.

Well I haven't got much more to say because I'd like to finish up my date night with the DH. So PLGC -out.

the lucky one.

June 1st is such a strange day in my universe. This is the 1 year anniversary (though not quite the right word) of my brother's passing. I know that I should be feeling sad but I am not. Troy was in such a lot of pain when he left this life that I feel it would be cruel to wish he were still here. Memories of him creep in day to day. Some of them are strong while others begin to fade.

It is hard to explain to my children why Grandma is crying and why we need to be extra good today. My son is especially interested in talking about why Uncle Troy died and many other related questions. We have not sheltered them from the truth of death. I do not know if it is inappropriate to be so honest with young children, though they do seem to handle the context much better than some adults.

My children humble me with their conceptualization of the world. They integrate everything from the mundane to the not so mundane. They are constantly observant (except of course when I am asking them to do something). I find myself having to watch everything I say or do because it's not just the bad words that they are picking up anymore.

In the end time marches on, with or without us. I realize that I am at peace with my brother's death and I wish that I could give that peace to others. I cannot fathom what it is to be a mother or father losing a son. I cannot know what my sister feels in regards to losing her older brother. I cannot make it ok. I can live in the good memories. I can get up every day and LIVE my life. I am the lucky one.