How to put things into words.

I have been thinking well on 2 weeks of how to put certain things into words. Life has managed to distract me with extracurricular activities like golf and corporate advancement, alas. I have to address the fact that I have recently talked to my brother about letting go.

The personage that provides his home care(aka Hospice) have determined that it is damn near a miracle that he is hanging on. They say that it is very important that we go through the closure process to let him know that it is ok if he is tired and needs to go. So... I decided to sing.

This has been something that has been inherently my brother's and my thing since I was old enough to remember the words to songs. I would come home from choir practice and sing my faves. Troy always listened, he never turned away when I hit a bad note, he never frowned.

For the talk I decided on "the rose", I know very cliche. He was upset, he turned away, he frowned!! I thought this only more proof he was nearing his time, the old Troy would haver never behaved this way. I told him it was ok, he could let go. I told him about the "better" person I had become because I had him in my life.

To tell the truth he just wasn't having it. So i gave up and sang "boogie woogie bugle boy" And BAM, there it was that smile. THAT SMILE!! Almost as if to say "hey SIS!! have you forgotten that I am here? Sing to me more often dammit! I am not quite ready to go and I'd like to finish this off with the things I love!!"

I can't speak for Troy, I don't even know if his brain is capable of these sorts of complex thoughts. Maybe he isn't asking me if it is ok to go, but rather... "Hey SIS do you think you could talk to me about the world, tell me about your day (because I could never have one like that), sing to me as if there were no tomorrow." Maybe Troy doesn't want to know it's time to go and that it's ok, maybe he just wants to live like there is no tomorrow. If you live like that, it is so much easier to appreciate the song!

No pictures of cake yet, I am so Lazy

I sit here watching CSI in rerun, not that unusual considering most have seen it on their season “whatever” DVD or TIVO or on late night cable. I fall into the latter category. I have just blipped in from Sports Center, which I find a late night necessity when you are trying to get a leg up in this man’s world. Is that a sexist statement, probably so?

I am sitting here avoiding sleep, simply because it avoids work in the morning. So I am going to forgo a writing frenzy in favor of a few hours sleep and the warm body of my spouse. Goodnight CSI I’ll catch you and your flesh eating maggots on the flipside.

Live the life you were meant to live....

If you have 76 minutes to spare this is awesome! I had heard about it a month ago and saw it on Prime Time tonight. Randy Pausch "The Last Lecture"

Slush Puppies ROck!

Well BG turned 5 yesterday. I am not so much in denial as I am disbelief. It was a wonderful day. She started with her very first ballet class, my goodness the cuteness was too much! I then took her and BB to see Nim's Island, SEE IT! It was such a great family movie. It was just myself and the kiddos, they were riveted. Ok, so BB took a 45 minute nap in the middle, but nobody fussed or made a ruckus of any kind. I am sure the cherry slush puppy worked it's own magic. We then headed to my mom's house for the birthday party.

I finished decorating the teddy bear shaped cake (pictures soon) and HD came straight from work. I swear by the time these turtles are 8-9 I will have this cake decorating thing down pat. My bear was AWESOME! Yes I am tooting my own horn, but you can ask anyone, they'll say it was awesome too.

BG got quite the haul, we found some great shirts and a little people doll house (like new) at Thrift Town. We also got her a Disney Princess Bella Dance-a-rella, lefty golf clubs and a shovel & trowel. Auntie broke out the V-Smile which they have been playing all day (Auntie ROCKS!!) Grandma had the sleeper hit with the vanity set and both of my turtles are snuggled up with their new blankets (Barbie Island Princess & Sponge Bob) prospectively, right now.

So it was a great day, I just love that little girl, though she aint so little anymore. Everyone is sleeping now and I am up late watching comcast free movies on demand. I am not ashamed to admit that I am watching Dumbo Drop, good flick. It is inspiring me to finish apocalypse now though.

Hug your mom the next time you see her and give someone in the grocery store line a compliment...pass it on.

PLGC -out