Sunday, July 06, 2008

the one where she goes off on a tangent and then comes back.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do when I grow up. Now, I know what you are thinking, I'm 33, two kids under the age of 5, married with a "good" job. That is pretty much the epitome of grown up territory. That just doesn't satisfy me.

I know I should settle into the way things are and push forward from there. In ten years I could have another 10,000 added to my income. The truth is that I just don't care. I want to be sensational, phenomenal, amazing, great! I don't want my kids to remember me as a hard working Mom who provided. I want them to remember that they were loved beyond all reason and that Mom followed her dreams. I want them to dream.

I read a quote the other day (and I am probably going to slaughter it ), that went something like this>> "Don't make fun of people for their dreams, because without dreams they'd have nothing"

The problem is that I have a whole lot of dreams. Which one do I pick how do I focus? I think that I am not the only one who faces this issue. I think as we age, and grow physically and emotionally everything we strive for changes. I just don't fit in to the perfect nuclear family mold.

I think in these days of rising prices and political unrest I am more equipped than most to move forward and handle my life. I just don't want to do it in the fashion laid out before me. I know some will call me selfish, some will say that I should sacrifice. Sacrifice what? My ideals, my values, the things in my make-up that bring out the good? I have sacrificed, I do not eat when it will feed my children, I work a job that mentally and emotionally drains me. What do I have left to give my children and husband. Words said out of stress and anger from the things I cannot control.

That is a tangent that leads down a long negative train of thoughts. Those are the things I am ready to sacrifice. I want to wad up all the negativity and fear and chuck it as far as I can, then run and grab it and smash it into smithereens. I think that fear is my biggest obstacle. The truth is, and I have said it before>> I am not dead if I still wake up in the morning, so why not make the best out of that.

So back round to the point. What do I want to be when I grow up? I know this, I want to Shine like the Sun!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

1 comment:

LceeL said...

I'm going to be 63 in September and I'm STILL trying to figure that out.