important things...

Sometimes we let life pass us by in a haze of disconnection. Suddenly our children are older, taller, smarter, no longer babies. You find yourself trying to recall the last week, the last month, the last year. Songs are written about how much you will miss this, landslides bring us down.

Tonight EB & I went well past bedtime to hang out and watch Akeelah & the Bee. Sharing this time with her, I realized how often as a parent that I don't listen to my kid. I get so wrapped up in my own emotions and stress that I forget that she is living this life right along with me. She has experiences in her world separate from me, that I take for granted. So I took advantage of some much needed time with my daughter. Hang bedtime, hang the dishes, hang mommy time after the kids are asleep!

We snuggled up on the couch and finished the movie, just her and I. Then as I tucked her into bed I realized she needs more than this, (more than a movie and a soda pop, more than a kiss goodnight see ya in the morning light). So I kissed her and then I told her how beautifully amazing she was. I told her that she was smart, funny and that she could do anything in the world.

As I whispered long overdue encouragements into my daughter's ear I saw her light shine. Her smile grew and her eyes crinkled in just the right way. I looked down and I was so totally and completely in love with my child. I had an instant memory of nursing her when she was just a few days old and how I used to call her my wise little ancient Japanese man. This is how she looked to me then and now, like a monk bestowing infinite wisdom if only I were open enough to receive it. As the words of my song enveloped us both I found peace in that moment. Her eyes drifted shut and her mouth stayed smiling. She is mine and I did not miss this.

I may be waxing philosophical and slightly poetic, but that is why I write here after all. I am going to miss these moments when they are gone. However I will not miss them because I let them pass me by, I will miss them because I took the time to have them. The images of my days old daughter and my seven year old daughter will meld and grow as time passes.

If we take the time to truly listen to our children, to truly experience them and love them for the amazing beings that they are, then we are truly blessed. As adults we weild the power to help shape our child's future, to boost their confidences, to help them live fearlessly and in complete and total love. It is easy to get caught up in the business of being an adult, just one more minute, mommy needs to do this thing or that, yada yada yada. So tonight take a moment, truly and without your own baggage look at your children. Love your children for the amazing beings that they are and will become. Trust me, you will be happy that you did. "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back."

CB & EB digging holes, mama Loves you!

Peace, Love and Green Chile...MC -out

Frustration into Fruition & over it...

Once upon a day...

I woke up and ran to Safeway for some coffee because we were out. Out of freaking coffee! Day two of tea was not really gonna be an option, after all I am a United State-ian. My favorite roast from peerless is French roast, so at this point I just need some Effin caffeine!

I digress.

So today was the BIG day. The day where we visit the brand-spanking new Ophthalmologist for EmBea's 4th follow up for her anisometropic amblyopia. Today was apparently a time to delve into the chaos of an over booked Eye Doctor's office.

We signed in, paid our co-pay, checked in with the Optometric technician, had Em's glasses assessed for the script and were assigned to room 3. Our lovely Ophthalmologist was very thorough. She determined that Em's old Rx was obsolete and also that she had developed astigmatism. Many eye drops were administered to dilate EmBea's eyes. She cried, she screamed and I held her eyelids open, Ala clockwork orange. This truly and completely sucked and felt cruel beyond all reason...

Cut to being told that our insurance did not cover refraction. (refraction=the final step of looking at the eyes after dilation -aka all of those effin drops) and that we could skip out or pay an additional $65. I am not a tortuous mommy, I paid up. Then the "primary" O.D. comes in. She then says OH..oh we need to refer you to a Pediatric Ophthalmologist. WTH, seriously what the fricken heck..That is where I thought we were.

Lesson learned. When entering a new state of residence with an amblyopic child ask, ASK..are you a Pediatric Ophthalmologist. Do NOT ask; do you treat children with Amblyopia? If they can, they will say yes and you will find yourself being charged above and beyond your budgeted co-pay.

So am I down, am I upset, am I pissed the eff off? NO. I was a earlier today when I barraged my DH with frantic texts. Now, I am not. It was the honest mistake of a Mama of an Amblyopic child who had thus far had an "easy go". I will never again take for granted the lack of bedside manner of our Doc in Albuquerque.

My advice to any Mama planning a move; double and triple check with your insurance as to what may or may not be covered. Double and triple check with the office that you choose that they cover your child. Pediatric seemed to be the key word in my experience.

Other than that...

I have moved forward. I have a plan, a new Rx for my wee turtle and a fricken positive attitude. We will see the new Pediatric OD soon and EmBea will be wearing her fab new script. We'll rock, Rap and roll with the flow. Until then we are Patching Strong, 4 hours per day and looking to improve even more. Our progress from March 2009 to now..20/200 to 20/60. I have faith and belief that we will succeed and my daughter will beat Amblyopia.

Thanks for allowing me to vent dear internet.

Peace, Love, green Chile and a Taco truck in Oakland.

-out